everyone is completely feral at the moment, i dont know if it just me but it seems like everyone is throwing knifes at me, maybe i am just reading too much into what people are saying or maybe i am just feeling sensitive at the moment. i dont know but the comments that i used to be able to laugh off and not think about are really getting my back up. i cant work out they are worse insults/comments or if its the way i'm reacting but all i know is that i have been getting a wee bit aggressive in my mannerisms when challenged about the same old same old.
work is shitting me or rather, the constant tug of war with the girls is driving me nuts. i mean i think i am pretty easy going, i listen to their issues i try to work them out to make things easier for them, but sometimes i feel like i am banging my head up against a wall. and for the most part i end up doing most of the things myself, its just easier and i know it is done. but it means more stress on me to get everything done. sometimes i feel completely overwhelmed, for the most part i am the only one there the RN and the manager are only there for a few hours so i have to make the split decisions, or i ring the other facility and have to wait for a call back and in the end have to make the decision as i havent been called back. everyone refers to me as "the boss" which drives me nuts. but then on the other hand i feel fulfilled and like i am getting somewhere.
in the last week or two i have had to rewrite the roster 4 times and then today again as one of the girls resigned, so know i'm all man was it because of ME (i know narcissistic much). i guess you never understand the pressure on "management" until your one of them.
though life has been pretty great lately. i went to Melbourne and seen the Tim Burton exhibition. it was AMAZING!!!!!!!! i had such a fun weekend celebrating my girlie star Amylea's birthday and chillin' with my Melbourne girls was an added bonus. but geez that exhibition was really worth the expensive ass airfares i had to shell out. wandering around lost in a world of Burton for hours is just so inspiring, his creativity is beyond words <3 <3 <3
so the quitting smoking didnt work :( majorly bummed that i went back to it but i just completely lost my mind, i couldnt get through more then a few hours without feeling miserable and i kept crying for no reason that i could determine.... but i will win the battle in the end, i have decided that i am gonna sort my shit out at work, get everything under control, so that the things i can control are well sorted then i will give it another crack, i might even take some holidays while i try to give up.... the only down fall for that is that when i go back to work i might just start again. so really not too sure if i want to do it that way, its prolly best if i just do it while i'm doing my usual routine.